grandma shit on top of the toilet
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
