So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
