You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
