I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
