before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
