You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
