Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
