I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I CAN MOONWALK!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
