We're like a lot better than the average bears
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
