Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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