Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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