HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize