When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
