I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
