I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
