I want to have your abortion
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
