the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
