you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
