My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How does one acquire holy water?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
