I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
