why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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