found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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