i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
