Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
