Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
