i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
