I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
