its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
