That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
