Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
