Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
