Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
