don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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