The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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