Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize