a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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