today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
