so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
