Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
