well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
