did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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