hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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