Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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