I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
