Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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