If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
