It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
