and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm like, not good at living.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
