Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
