Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
