Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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