what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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