After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize