I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
