i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
