she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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