I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize