and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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