Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
