no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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