Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
