9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
