Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
