the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
