i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
