Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
