you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
