Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
