Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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