He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
