Only a mothe r could love this liver
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
