Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize