You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
