Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
