I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
