Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize