so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
