I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
