I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
