honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
