The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
