So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
