i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
