Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
