Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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