i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
