im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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