Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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