Moan for me like Helen Keller
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
