i think my mom watched the whole time
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
