is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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