My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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