This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
