I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
