he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
