Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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