if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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