I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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