girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I would fuck him just for his dog
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
