i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize