So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
