We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
