I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
